A not quite traditional Christmas story
by kuroi gami
Summary: there are some "naughty" words and idea;s that make it R.... yaoi... 1x2, and numerous others Digimon charachters are also mentioned... but it's mainly about G-wing so... yeah... a cute tiny bit of taixmatt


A Not-Quite Traditrional Christmas Story  
  
I don't own the gundam guys, or the digimon characters, or anything else mentioned in this story. except partially the idea. Alex owns the other ¾ of the idea! I stole it!!!^_^o hehhehehehe...anwho..  
  
Slight horrifical thing to say. I really actually hate Relena, but it had to go this way.. and I make up for it. hehhehehehe.. anwho.. · I know the guys aren't religious. in fact Quatre is Arabic and therefore Muslim, right. but alas. I needed them all.. On with the story...OHHHHH!! BTW!!! This is NOT (!!!!!!) the Christmas story as we know it.well it is a lil, but originally only the angel speaks. and so I screwed it up a lil...back to the fic. And God is in it.. Guess who it it?? ^_^;;;;;;;;; (self insertion. can't live with it, can't live without it)  
  
It was a perfectly un-normal November day. Everyone's favorite guys were hanging out at a girl named Usagi's house. She was directing a play and had duped her best friend Duo and his best friends. and enemies. into being in her Christmas play. As we zoom in on our lovely friends, take note that she is handing out parts. She is currently arguing with everyone's favorite suicidal maniac. "Heero! I need you to be Joseph! Without Joseph there is no play!" "You cast her," said with utter distaste, "as Mary. There is no way I am banging her and having Jesus. NO WAY! Forget it."  
  
"She is called "the VIRGIN" Mary for a reason, Heero. All you have to do is escort her."  
  
"HHHHEEEEERRRRROOOOOO! I always knew we were ment to be together!!!" Relena's high pitched scream made Usagi cringe and Heero grab for a gun. "Listen I am sorry. She is the Queen of the World. She threatened my life, if I didn't make her Mary and you Joseph."  
  
"What is Duo going to be?" Usagi sighed as Duo ran by and jumped into the swinging wicker basinet. "Duo is baby Jesus."  
  
"WHAT?!" Trowa, Quatre, Heero, and Wufei all asked together.  
  
"He insisted, and it's not like Jesus talks a lot. Besides, Jesus is always seen with Joseph and Mary. So it's not like Duo will be far away. I mean he could have been cast as the inn keeper or something. He's always with you, Heero."  
  
Relena began to pout. Duo began to rock and Heero began to mutter about killing a very distinct woman with the name of rabbit.  
  
"Trowa, you will be playing the inn-keeper."  
  
".."  
  
"And Quatre, you will be playing the inn-keepers wife, errr, partner." Quatre nodded happily and Trowa looked at his koi and smiled.  
  
"Sure, stick them together!" Heero said.  
  
At this prescise moment in walked Treize and Zechs. "TREIZE!? ZECHS!? What are you two doing here?" Wufei looked shocked.  
  
"Well, duh, dragon! We are going to be in a play!" Treize came over and kissed Wufei's forehead. He turned to Zechs, "Sometimes I worry about him." echs nodded, kissing Wufei's hand.  
  
"Now is not the time for that." Usagi said. "Now you two are right on time. I was just about to announce the three wise men."  
  
"Let me guess. Treize, Wufei and Zechs." Heero said sarcastically. "Sure place them together too. I don't see you having Une, or Noin being a wise man."  
  
"I understand why you are angry," Usagi said through clenched teeth. "But you need to DEAL WITH IT!!" Her chest was heaving and then she calmed down. "Now where are those digi-destined?" She asked out loud. As if on cue, the doors burst open and in ran Tai, Matt, Mimi, Izzy, Sora and Ken.  
  
"Sorry we are late. We had a bit of a problem." Tai began to explain.  
  
"Don't worry about it. Listen Matt, you are the Angel Gabriel. Tai and Mimi, you two are Shepards, and Izzy, Sora and Ken, you three are sheep."  
  
"Why does Matt get to be the Angel?" Tai asked.  
  
"Because."  
  
"Why are we doing this instead of Davis and TK and Kari and the new digi- destined?"  
  
"Because."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"How old are you Tai?"  
  
"16."  
  
"Then stop with the five year old act. It doesn't matter. Now. Let's recap. Heero is Joseph." There was a snort that sounded suspiciaoulsy like a laugh from Zechs and an "omae o korosu" from Heero himself.  
  
Relena is the Virgin Mary." Now Zechs downright laughed. "Duo is Baby Jesus." Zechs laugh was cut short, and he began to choke. Treize hit his back and Zechs was okay again.  
  
"Trowa is the inn-keeper and Quatre his wife, errrrr, partner." This time it was Trieze who laughed, "Can you image Trowa as a hotel manager?" he began to do an imitation. "hello, I need a room." He said in a oddly high voice. The he jumped to the side a little and crossed his arms.".." He laughed again and said, "I can see it now."  
  
"Well, you, Wufei and Zechs are the wise men. Matt, the angel Gabriel, Tai and Mimi Shepards and the other three.sheep." Everyone nodded.  
  
Wufei then noticed something in his script. "Wait, I have to worship DUO??!!?!?!"  
  
"YES." She gave him a glare of death. He shut up. "Good, now the play is in 2 weeks. We will have practice every night and the dress rehersal will be the night before the play."  
  
"Is it true that the only person who talks is the Angel?" Quatre asked. "Yes, but in my play everybody talks, even God talks."  
  
"Who is playing God?"  
  
"That is a surprise." Usagi rubbed her hands together and said, "Well, lets get started."  
  
* * * * 13 days later.  
  
*the dress rehersal *  
  
"No. Heero, your coustume is not made of black spandex, and no, I will not change it for you."  
  
"Omae o korosu."  
  
"FINE! KILL ME! SEE IF I CARE!!!" Usagi yelled at his retreating back. She turned to see Relena standing there. "Yes?"  
  
"Can this be pink? And why don't I ever get to have any *fun * with Heero?"  
  
Usagi grabbed a strand of her own brown hair and tugged. She stood up onto a chair and yelled at everyone. "THERE ARE NOT GOING TO BE ANY COSTUME CHANGES! DEAL WITH IT!" Stepping down from the chair, she took a deep breath and calmed down. "Alright everyone. I want to get through this play all the way twice before 9 tonight. It is 6. We can do it. Now, where are Heero and Duo?"  
  
As if on cue, a loud, long moan came from inside the wicker baby basket of "Jesus" Usagi's eyes got huge, but the pupils got small, (like all anime characters) and she stomped over to the basinet, just as a portion of Josephs clothing came flying out. She reached her hand in and pulled out Heero wearing nothing but boxers. With her other hand she pulled out Duo. we'll just leave what he was wearing, or lack of what he was wearing, I should say, right there.  
  
Usagi was breathing steam. "JOSEPH DOES NOT HAVE SEX WITH BABY JESUS!!!!!!!!" She yelled, freaking out. "IT JUST DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY!AFTER THE PLAY TOMORROW NIGHT OR HELL EVEN LATER TONIGHT, I REALLY DON'T CARE WHEN, YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT! UNTIL THEN YOU ARE MARRIED TO RELENA! AND DUO IS THE HOLY SAVIER OF ALL CHRISTIANS!!!!"  
  
"I weep for the religion." Zechs whispered.  
  
"NOW, PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON, AND WE ARE DOING THIS RIGHT! OR ELSE THE WRATH OF GOD WILL FELT!" As if on cue, lightning sounded outside.  
  
Heero looked royally pissed, and was internally vowing to kill the stupid rabbit woman. Tai and Matt were arguing about the fight that was brewing between Usagi and Heero, Quatre was happily straightening up the "inn", and Wufei was muttering about dishonarbly carrying frankensence. The other people were around.  
  
"From the top!" Usagi said, sitting down. That night the dress rehersal went very well. Usagi left feeling, well not confident, I mean there was that chance that Joseph might kill Mary, or might screw Jesus. She just had to have faith.  
  
*Just a note. I only now the basic outline of the Christams story. so forgive me if I do something wrong*  
  
The next night.  
  
"You guys are gonna be awesome!" Usagi said. "And I will be right here if you forget a line." She added, standing in the wings. "Now, it is time to start." She walked out into the stage and said to the vast, huge, audience assembled there. "Tonight we will be doing a renendition of the Christmas story, or baby Jesus is born. I hope you enjoy our show." She walked into the wings on the left, and Tai walked in from the wings on the right.  
  
"After his mother Mary became bethroathed to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Spirit. But Joseph, being a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example was minded to put her away secretly. This is where we start our version of the story. The scene you will enter upon is Joseph's dream, in which he finds out the truth."  
  
Tai left the stage, from the right and the curtains were lifted to a sleeping chamber. In the bed there was Heero, sleeping like a baby. Suddenly from the ceiling in dropped Matt, he landed swiflty on his feet. He turned and made a comical face toward the celing and said loudly, "I need to upgrade these wings." Everyone in the audience laughed.  
  
Matt shook his head, and then stood up a little taller. He then said in a deep voice, "Joseph!" There was no movement from the bed. "Joseph!!"  
  
Matt got confused, he scratched his head and walked over. He leanded over Heero's ear and yelled really loud, "YO! DUDE! WAKE UP!" Heero shot up and eyed Matt with absolute hatred in his eyes.  
  
"Omae o korosu." He said.  
  
"Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take to you Mary your wife. For that which is concieved in her is of the Holy Spirit."  
  
"Is that so?"  
  
"Yes. And she will bring forth a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save His people from their sins."  
  
"What if I want to call him Duo? Or Bob?"  
  
"Well, then God will strike you down and you will go to hell, and his name will be Jesus anyway."  
  
Heero nodded. "Right. Mission excepted. Make sure baby is named Jesus."  
  
"Yes, now go, take your beloved to Bethlehem for the taxes will be paid and it is there that the Lord had phophecised Jesus would be born."  
  
"But my Beloved is Jesus."  
  
"You're other beloved." Matt said through clenched teeth.  
  
"Right. On to Bethlehem, we will travel in less than a fortnight." Heero lyed back down on the bed, and Matt walked out of the room.  
  
The curtain closed and then opened again in a moment, and there were Relena and Heero traveling to bethlehem. Relena was riding on a donkey, and Heero was leading it long. Across the stage there was a big sign that said "INN" Quatre and Trowa were standing there.  
  
"We need a room." Heero said without much conviction.  
  
"A lovely room, with giant windows and pink wall paper and indoor plumbing." Relena added.  
  
"We don't have any rooms open. All there is is the barn." Quatre said smiling, and holding onto to Trowa's arm.  
  
"That'll work." Heero said.  
  
The curtain closed again and opened to Matt walking out with a giant star. He placed it in the sky and said. "Yep, they would have to be idiots to miss this star." He walked off the stage whistling something that sounded suspiciously like the twelve days of christmas.  
  
From the opposite directrion in walked Wufei, Treize, and Zechs. The three wisemen from the east.  
  
"Now, where is that star?" Treize asked looking right at the giant star. Zechs just grabbed his arm and they walked off, leaving Wufei to say. "Now, we will follow the starlight and eventually arrive at the inn. See you then." He walked off after his fellow wisemen.  
  
The curtain closed and opened upon two shepards and three sheep. Mattwalked onto the stage and looked at the sheperds. "Hey you two. Over in Bethlemhem there is being born the savier of your people. You might want to go take a look." Mimi nodded and walked off stage having the three sheep follow her. Tai began to follow, but Matt grabbed his arm. Matt looked at Tai and said, "You are always under God's good graces, and remember he loves you very much. As do all his angels."  
  
Backstage, Usagi began to flip out, this wasn't in the script. Dup tiptoed over, "don't worry about it. They are finally admitting their feelings for each other. Just go with the flow."  
  
"As do I, for I am an angel and I love you." Matt looked right into Tai's eyes as he said this, and Tai nodded. "And I love God and you as well." Tai said, wiping away a tear that had fallen down his cheek. They nodded at each other and walked opposite directions. Both with tears falling down their cheeks. The whole audience was moved to tears. They didn't really understand what had just happened, but they thought it was beautiful.  
  
The curtain closed and opened in another minute with Duo's head poking out of a wicker basket. Relena was rocking it and singing a lullaby. Heero was sitting in front of the wicker basket and was staring at Duo.  
  
"Our son is so beautiful." Relena said, saying her line.  
  
"You have no idea." Heero said softly. Duo's hair was down, and in a hood granted, but it was still beautiful and he was looking righ into Heero's eyes. "I love you."  
  
"And I love you." Relena said, missinterpteing who the words were aimed for. Inside the bassinet, Duo nodded, mouthing back, "and I love you, Heero Yuy."  
  
Suddenly, in burst Wufei, Treize and Zechs. They all bowed down before Duo's crib and cried as one. "We have gifts!"  
  
"I have brought gold. For all who are holy should be adorned with such beauty." Treize said, setting down the gold pieces.  
  
"He needs no additional beauty. His features alone bypass all precious materials." Heero said rather quickly.  
  
"I have brought frankennsensce. So he will be adorned with beautiful smells." Zechs said  
  
"That we can keep." Relena said, snatching it up.  
  
"And I have brought myrrh," Wufei said in a momotone, "so we can do whatever it is you do with myrrh." Then all three dropped to their knees and began to bow to Duo.  
  
Inside the other door, Mimi, and Tai the shepards, and Sora, Izzy and Ken, the sheep entered. " An Angel chanced upon us, and told us we should be here." Mimi said, bowing. "To see the savier of our people."  
  
"Jesus is right here." Relena said pointing to Duo's basket.  
  
And so the Shepards, sheep, and wise men all bowed down to their savier. Suddenly the voice of God was heard. "I come." It said. It was deep and intimidating. As all watched, in walked a stickfigure with a goatee, brown hair, and floating fruit behind him. The stickfigure was incredibly small, but it had huge blown up armor to look like giant muscles. "You must move." Zechs said to him. " God comes."  
  
"I am God!" the stickfigure said. "Bow before me! As I look upon my son."  
  
veryone in the room looked at each other like, 'you've got to be kidding me.' But they all bowed. As the stickfigure looked, he lost his balance and fell onto his back. He tried to get up, and finally stopped saying, "stupid human bodies I designed, stupid, stupid, stupid, Michael! I asked for an intimidating body. And I got this." He noticed everyone looking at him. His voice became deeeeeeeeep again and he said, "Your God needs your help!" Wufei put out a hand and helped God to his feet. " Your God thanks you."  
  
He looked at Duo again, and then said "Your God leaves now." He left and everyone stared after him. In the wings, Usagi was barley keeping back laughter, "Thanks Mr. Zima. I can't believe we mangaed to keep that a secret until now! Oh, they are going to kill me, but it was hillarious to see their faces! BTW, cute coustume." She looked at his stickfigure getup. "Where did you get it?"  
  
"What coustume?" Zima said, then walked off, the floating pineapples ever vigilant behind him.  
  
Out on stage. Matt walked out again and everyone froze in the position they were in. he walked to the front and the curtain closed behind him. "And that is the story of how Jesus was born." He walked backstage and everyone in the audience erupted into applause.  
  
Usagi walked forward and said, "Let me introduce the stars.Come out after I say your name guys. Playing Joseph, we have Heero. Relena was Mary. Duo was baby Jesus. Trowa was the inn-keeper, Quatre was the inn-keepers errr, partner. Wufei, Treize and Zechs were the Wisemen. Matt was the archangel Gabriel, Tai and Mimi were shepards and Sora, Izzy and Ken were sheep. " As Ken walked out, they all grabbed hands and bowed. Tai and Matt were eying each other and Duo and Heero were looking at each other with maniacal looks. "There was also a special guest appearance by my former math teacher, Mark Zima."  
  
After they had taken their bows, they all walked backstage.  
  
"Onto the cast party, everybody!" Usagi called.  
  
* * *  
  
From the local paper, Kiraku Jensen and Hiroki Farr were talking to the stars. Usagi noticed that Matt and Tai were feeding each other cake. She smiled and turned away. There was Heero trying to get Duo away from the newspaper critic and drama reporter. Finally Heero picked up Duo in his arms and kissed him. Duo's attention turned right to Heero and Usagi almost laughed as they walked out the side door. She tunred and looked out onto the empty stage where moments before her play had been perfectly done. and sighed. then turned on her heel and walked out the door.  
  
~Owari~  
  
whatcha think? Good, bad, dumb. Never want to see another of my dics again. well mail me Usagi@gundamwing.org .. ^_^  
  
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?  
  
a) because it was dead....  
  
Q) why did the cat fall out of the tree?  
  
A) because it ws stapled to the monkey  
  
Q)what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?  
  
A) now, where did my tractor go??  
  
LOL... are those not the funniest jokes in the whole world... y'all are like... "rrrriiiiigggghhhhhttttt!!!!"  
  
~Owari~  
  
Jasmine, Usagi, Shinigami, kuroigami, Princess...  
  
P.S. Yaoi, yuri, het... love is love.. 


End file.
